This KnowAnt manual is for anyone who has to write an obituary when they would rather not be writing at all.
An obituary is a public notice of a death and a short account of a life. It is not a eulogy (spoken, longer, more personal) and not a condolence message (usually private, to the living). Families write obituaries under time pressure, with relatives who do not agree on every fact. The job is to be accurate, kind, and complete enough for people who need service details.
At KnowAnt, we treat this as careful human writing. There is no clever hook. There is no SEO trick. If you are here because someone died, you can skip any sentence that does not help you finish the notice.
Table of Contents
- Obituary vs Funeral Notice vs Eulogy
- What to Include
- What to Skip
- Tone
- Mother or Father
- Brother or Other Sibling
- Example Obituary
- Practical Details: Length, Paper, Online
- Common Obituary Mistakes
- Step-by-Step Checklist
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Conclusion
Obituary vs Funeral Notice vs Eulogy
A funeral notice can be only name, dates, and service. An obituary usually adds life facts and survivors. A eulogy is for the service. Do not try to fit a 20-minute speech into a paid newspaper inch count.
If you are writing to comfort someone else, use the condolence message guide instead.
What to Include
Use only what the family agrees to publish:
- Full name, and the name people actually used
- Age, or years of birth and death, if the family wants dates public
- Place of death in general terms if needed (“at home,” “in hospital”) — not a medical chart
- City or towns that defined the life
- A few roles: parent, teacher, mechanic, volunteer — not a résumé
- Survivors: spouse or partner, children, siblings, sometimes grandchildren (first names are enough)
- Those who died earlier, if the family wants that mentioned
- Service, visitation, burial or cremation, livestream, charity in lieu of flowers
- A line of thanks to caregivers only if it will not start a family argument
One true detail beats five vague virtues. “She kept the shop ledger in pencil for 30 years” is stronger than “she was a blessing to all who knew her.”
What to Skip
- Cause of death, unless the family chooses to name it (illness, accident). Never guess.
- Medical details, last words you are not sure of, or private conflict
- Scores against relatives, ex-partners, or employers
- Passwords, addresses of the family home, or anything that helps a scammer
- Humor that would embarrass the person in a room of mixed company
- Unverified military ranks, degrees, or awards
- A forced religious claim if the person was not religious — match their life, not the writer’s
You do not have to explain a complicated family. “Survived by her children” can be enough.
Tone
Write in the third person. Past tense for the life. Present tense only for surviving people and for the service (“Visitation is…”).
Short sentences are a mercy. You can say died. You can say passed away if that is the family’s language. Do not hide the death behind so much poetry that readers cannot find the date of the funeral.
If several people are drafting, pick one editor. A committee of adjectives is how obituaries become generic.
Mother or Father
How to write an obituary for mother or father: name them the way the children did at home if that feels right (“known as Amma to her children”). Mention the work of raising a family without turning the parent into a saint or a résumé. Include the surviving spouse if there is one, and the children in an order the family accepts (often oldest to youngest).
You do not need to list every casserole they cooked. One kitchen, garden, commute, or Sunday habit is enough.
Brother or Other Sibling
How to write an obituary for brother: siblings often remember childhood and adult friendship in different proportions. Choose two facts everyone can stand behind. Name parents if they are living or if the family wants them included. Avoid ranking children (“favorite uncle”) unless you are sure.
Example Obituary
Rajiv Menon, 67, of Pune, died on 1 September 2026, at home, with family nearby. He was born in Kochi and spent most of his working life as a high-school chemistry teacher. Colleagues will remember the extra hour he stayed for students who were sitting an exam the next morning. He is survived by his wife, Leela; his children, Anil and Meera; and his brother, Suresh. He was preceded in death by his parents, Thomas and Mary Menon. A visitation will be held on 5 September from 4 to 6 p.m. at [funeral home]. The funeral service will follow at 10 a.m. on 6 September at [place of worship or hall]. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests a donation to the school library fund he supported. The family asks for privacy at home.
Change every bracket. If this were your parent or brother, swap in facts you can verify. Run spelling of names through KnowAnt’s grammar checker. Do not put the notice through a paraphrasing tool until it sounds like a stranger wrote it.
Practical Details: Length, Paper, Online
Newspapers charge by the line. Online funeral-home pages allow more. Write a short version for print and a slightly longer version for the web if you need to. Confirm times in 12-hour or 24-hour form the venue uses, and the date in a form local readers will not misread.
Common Obituary Mistakes
- Wrong day of the week for the service
- Misspelled names
- Listing people who asked not to be named
- Cause of death the family did not approve
- Home address
- A eulogy pasted into a paid notice
- Clichés stacked until the person disappears
Step-by-Step Checklist
- Confirm dates, spelling, and who may be listed.
- Write the death line, then the life, then survivors, then logistics.
- Cut medical and private conflict.
- Have one other family member check names.
- Submit the print version and the online version separately if needed.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you write an obituary for a family member?
Gather agreed facts, write a short life in third person, list survivors, add service details, and leave out anything the family does not want public.
How long should an obituary be?
As short as the newspaper requires, and long enough online to include the service. Many families aim for 150–250 words for print.
Who should write it?
Whoever has the facts and the family’s trust. A funeral home can format; they should not invent the life.
Conclusion
How to write an obituary is how to tell the truth gently, with the details mourners need.
Include the name, the life in a few true lines, the people left, and the service. Skip gossip, diagnoses the family did not choose, and language that could belong to anyone. When you write to the grieving instead of to the public, use a condolence message. When the notice is ready, check names on KnowAnt and send the version the family can live with.